hurt

you hurt me.

you broke me.

i put all my trust in you, and you threw it away.

i gave you my heart, but you had the audacity to kick it around like a soccer ball.

when i asked you, “why do you love me?”

you would tell me, “you’re so beautiful, so kind, so sweet, so loving.”

you talked so precious to me.

behind my back,

you talked so poorly about me.

you didn’t give a damn about me.

“you’re too clingy.”

you called me clingy. a lot.

as if it is a bad thing.

you told me i was worth your time,

but you put no time into “us.”

and when i would lay in bed at night missing you,

i would text you and you would comfort me.

and when i woke up wishing i woke up next to you,

you’d text me, “good morning hun.”

the warmth of your good morning text made my day.

and when i had a bad day, and you were at work.

i had nobody to talk to.

but i would wait. i would wait for you to get off.

when you were off, you messaged me instantly.

“Hey hun, i’m off work.”

and when i got that message, i knew everything was okay.

the, “i love you lots hun,”

the, “you’re beautiful,”

even the, “i miss you so much,”

your lies.

they dug deep.

they broke me.

they tore my heart apart.

they made me see your true colors.

your precious hands,

oh what i would do to hold your hand right now.

the warmth,

your thumb rubbing my thumb.

your smile.

seeing those pearly white teeth.

your smile could grow a whole garden.

i let you into my mind.

i let you tell me things i thought you liked about me.

i told you things about myself.

i trusted you.

the hardest thing i ever did was give you up the first time.

after that, i promised to keep you close to my heart.

i promised to never leave your side.

i promised to love you, even when we struggled.

i promised to always be there.

the worst part is, you promised the same promises.

you promised me you would stay with me.

you promised me you loved me.

you broke those promises.

you broke every promise you ever made.

you broke me.

i hope one day, long down the road,

you realize i was the best you ever had.

i hope you realize that your “friends” aren’t who you needed to be sharing our business with.

i hope you realize that i loved you, more than i could ever love myself.

but now,

i’m realizing who i am.

i’m realizing that you were holding me back.

and maybe i was clingy.

maybe i was clingy because i was scared of letting go.

i was scared of losing you.

or maybe i was clingy because i loved you.

clingy because i knew that if i wasn’t, you may have stopped loving me.

or maybe i wasn’t clingy.

maybe you made up excuses to not be with me anymore.

or maybe you were just scared of a commitment.

to find out the love of your life doesn’t want you anymore,

to staying up all night before a big day at school.

you will grow from the pain.

you will realize your potential.

and you will be okay.

Madysen Smith